● OFFICIAL · ADOPTED 2020-07-30
Articles I–XI plus Appendices A & B. Currently in force. Below: the named rules — the lore-bearing provisions every member is expected to recite under oath.
Article VII · Roster Management
Empty roster spots must be filled within one week. Miss the window and the Commissioner picks the highest-projected available player on your behalf — and may add a penalty for good measure.
“Empty roster spots must be filled within one week. If a Manager fails to fill an empty roster spot within one week, the Commissioner shall add the highest projected player to that Manager's Club, and may further penalize the Manager.”
Article VIII · Transactions
Each Club is entitled to make an unlimited number of trades and add/drops each season. Free movement, full accountability.
“Each Club is entitled to make an unlimited number of trades and/or add/drops each season.”
Appendix A · Financial Matters
Late dues invoke compounding weekly beer-shotgun penalties — escalating each week and unlocking additional penalties once delinquency thresholds are crossed.
“Late league dues result in weekly beer-shotgun penalties, compounded weekly. Additional penalties apply after a Manager's delinquency reaches successive thresholds, as enforced by the Commissioner.”
Article XI · Offences
Conduct not otherwise prohibited that is generally acknowledged to be shitty. The catch-all clause that ends every loophole argument.
“Notwithstanding any other provision of this Constitution, no Manager shall engage in conduct that, while not otherwise prohibited, is generally acknowledged to be shitty.”
Article VI · Snake Draft
Can't make draft weekend? You owe the league $150 — paid no later than two weeks prior to the draft.
“Any Member unable to attend the live draft must pay a Bitchass Absence Fee of $150, payable to the League no later than two weeks prior to the draft.”
Article X · Miscellaneous Rules
The lowest scorer of the regular-season week films a beer-chug apology video before Thursday kickoff and publishes the official League Note by midnight Wednesday. Failure to publish is one round of drinks at the next draft.
“The lowest weekly scorer during the regular season must post a beer-chug apology video before kickoff the coming Thursday, and shall publish the official League Note by midnight Wednesday after the close of the week. Failure to publish the League Note shall result in the Manager owing one round of drinks at the subsequent draft.”
Appendix A · Financial Matters
Members may wager bets to the League Fund. Bets must be recorded formally in the group chat. Funds are spent on league merch and draft activities.
“Members may wager bets to the League Fund. Such bets must be recorded formally within the group chat. Funds collected shall be applied to league merchandise and draft activities at the Commissioner's discretion.”
● ARTICLE INDEX
Full constitutional language migrates here in the Phase 2 build. The structure is preserved; the named rules above are already in force.